He's the gift
Have any of you seen anything on the Oprah Winfrey Network yet? There are some interesting programs on their. I recently watched Lisa Ling's "Our America", which was about faith healing. She documented a healing retreat at a healing ministry in South Carolina. I must say I was really nervous watching it. Of all of the arguments I have heard against faith in God, one of the strongest is the lack of the supernatural miracles of the Bible happening in today's world. Even though I knew the show was pre-recorded, I found myself praying that Lisa's show would capture a real miracle at this event.
She followed two people closely: one woman dying of cancer and a paraplegic man. Both were praying for total physical healing. Both had great faith. Both left the healing retreat with the same ailments they came with. I was just about heartbroken at the end of the show. I really wanted to see that guy pushing his wheel chair away. Why didn't God heal them? How are we supposed to take the stories of healing from the Bible seriously if he doesn't do it for the faithful today? What's the point of faith? Lisa Ling actually surprised me, rather than completely criticizing the ministry and these people's seemingly futile faith, she was inspired by these people. Their faith wasn't shaken. They still served Jesus and believed for their healing, in this life or the next. Her closing remark was "Faith in itself is the gift."
That just wasn't enough for me. My problem with this and I learned later with my own faith is that I have a problem with God when he doesn't do what I or others have been praying for. I wasn't satisfied with them just having their relationship with God and that being enough. He needed to heal those people because America was watching, to prove that he still does healings and miracles today...to prove that he exists....to prove that there is the supernatural in this world! He needed to heal them because that's what they wanted him to do...and their hearts were pure...so where was God?
The problem with that line of thinking is God is God and he's going to do what he wants to do. He doesn't want his followers to worship and praise him because of the miracles he does, or the people he heals, or the blessings he brings. He wants people who will worship and believe because of Him.
I don't think I really "got" that until today. I've felt sort of lost and really kind of angry at God for quite some time. I have felt powerless because all of the things I want to do in life involve loving kids, teaching the body of Christ, singing, and reaching out to those in need. I worked at the Boys and Girls Club in Cleveland in the teen center and I loved it, it just couldn't pay the bills. Leaving those kids broke my heart. I've been frustrated too because I would love to serve in a church right along side a man of God (my best friend, tall, dark, handsome, funny, kind, caring, patient, loves Jesus, generous, romantic, and pretty much perfect). Things just haven't worked out the way I have wanted them too for a long time and I have tried to figure out how I can make more money or do something exciting, or use my creativity in a lucrative occupation. I have considered teaching English overseas, flipping houses, working for credit card companies, the list goes on. I have applied for youth pastor and children's pastor positions and nothing has worked out. I am currently planning on going to cosmetology school in June.
My heart is for ministry, for helping people, loving on teens/foster kids, singing...being a part of something great. I have felt far away from God for several months just because I've been so upset with how things are going. Why hasn't he brought all of these things into my life? I have seen him open doors for so many of my friends but what about me? Where do I fit in in all of this? Why doesn't he do what I want him to do when I want him to do it?
I have been reading Psalm 107 for about a week. What got me is the part that says "for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." I posted on facebook a little prayer that Jesus would make it happen for me and just a few hours later he did. I finally got it. He's the gift. I read through one of my old journals where God was giving me the vision for my life...and he was there. He came in my room and told me that nothing was wrong with me, that I have a heart for kids for a reason, and that he made me just the way he wanted me. He was there. And I realized that he was all I needed. I want great things for my life, but without him I don't have anything. He is the blessing. He is my delight. He is where it's at. Everything will come into place when it's time. I don't need to worry about the things I don't have now because I do have him now...and when my life is over he's what I will have. Those people on the show may never be healed in this life, but their bodies will be perfect with Jesus one day. They carried a peace and a hope that can only come from God. The wonderful thing is that he is here now. He is the gift. He was manna in the wilderness, he was the fish and the loaves for the 5,000+, he is the road in the wilderness, streams in the desert, and the light in the darkness.
I don't know exactly what my life will look like over the next few years, but I do know that I love Jesus and I can be the woman he has called me to be no matter where I am. My job is to love him. His job is to open the right doors at the right time. Everybody wins. :)
She followed two people closely: one woman dying of cancer and a paraplegic man. Both were praying for total physical healing. Both had great faith. Both left the healing retreat with the same ailments they came with. I was just about heartbroken at the end of the show. I really wanted to see that guy pushing his wheel chair away. Why didn't God heal them? How are we supposed to take the stories of healing from the Bible seriously if he doesn't do it for the faithful today? What's the point of faith? Lisa Ling actually surprised me, rather than completely criticizing the ministry and these people's seemingly futile faith, she was inspired by these people. Their faith wasn't shaken. They still served Jesus and believed for their healing, in this life or the next. Her closing remark was "Faith in itself is the gift."
That just wasn't enough for me. My problem with this and I learned later with my own faith is that I have a problem with God when he doesn't do what I or others have been praying for. I wasn't satisfied with them just having their relationship with God and that being enough. He needed to heal those people because America was watching, to prove that he still does healings and miracles today...to prove that he exists....to prove that there is the supernatural in this world! He needed to heal them because that's what they wanted him to do...and their hearts were pure...so where was God?
The problem with that line of thinking is God is God and he's going to do what he wants to do. He doesn't want his followers to worship and praise him because of the miracles he does, or the people he heals, or the blessings he brings. He wants people who will worship and believe because of Him.
I don't think I really "got" that until today. I've felt sort of lost and really kind of angry at God for quite some time. I have felt powerless because all of the things I want to do in life involve loving kids, teaching the body of Christ, singing, and reaching out to those in need. I worked at the Boys and Girls Club in Cleveland in the teen center and I loved it, it just couldn't pay the bills. Leaving those kids broke my heart. I've been frustrated too because I would love to serve in a church right along side a man of God (my best friend, tall, dark, handsome, funny, kind, caring, patient, loves Jesus, generous, romantic, and pretty much perfect). Things just haven't worked out the way I have wanted them too for a long time and I have tried to figure out how I can make more money or do something exciting, or use my creativity in a lucrative occupation. I have considered teaching English overseas, flipping houses, working for credit card companies, the list goes on. I have applied for youth pastor and children's pastor positions and nothing has worked out. I am currently planning on going to cosmetology school in June.
My heart is for ministry, for helping people, loving on teens/foster kids, singing...being a part of something great. I have felt far away from God for several months just because I've been so upset with how things are going. Why hasn't he brought all of these things into my life? I have seen him open doors for so many of my friends but what about me? Where do I fit in in all of this? Why doesn't he do what I want him to do when I want him to do it?
I have been reading Psalm 107 for about a week. What got me is the part that says "for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." I posted on facebook a little prayer that Jesus would make it happen for me and just a few hours later he did. I finally got it. He's the gift. I read through one of my old journals where God was giving me the vision for my life...and he was there. He came in my room and told me that nothing was wrong with me, that I have a heart for kids for a reason, and that he made me just the way he wanted me. He was there. And I realized that he was all I needed. I want great things for my life, but without him I don't have anything. He is the blessing. He is my delight. He is where it's at. Everything will come into place when it's time. I don't need to worry about the things I don't have now because I do have him now...and when my life is over he's what I will have. Those people on the show may never be healed in this life, but their bodies will be perfect with Jesus one day. They carried a peace and a hope that can only come from God. The wonderful thing is that he is here now. He is the gift. He was manna in the wilderness, he was the fish and the loaves for the 5,000+, he is the road in the wilderness, streams in the desert, and the light in the darkness.
I don't know exactly what my life will look like over the next few years, but I do know that I love Jesus and I can be the woman he has called me to be no matter where I am. My job is to love him. His job is to open the right doors at the right time. Everybody wins. :)
LOVE!! so fun to go back over old writings and see what God has done.
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